Picnic

Sabrina: I only kill scary things.
Phil: What, you can’t kill something because it’s scary. Oh, a scary man on the street – I’ll kill him!

Phil: If it were only me and a baby, I’d eat it because it can’t survive without me. I’d feed it with my milk.
Sabrina: It’ll probably only be beer though.
Phil: It would keep it alive and fatty, though. And I’d be a hero. If people came by on a boat they’d see me breastfeed it with beer and be like: that man is a hero!

Mara: I wonder why he [Phil] brought the beer can with him. I hope he doesn’t pee in it – oh no, don’t write that down; he’ll read it!
Phil: Read what?

Mara: [On Janis Joplin] I think she died from drinking and suffocating on her own vomit or something.
Phil: That’s actually how my uncle died, whom I’m named after…

[While discussing Mozart and the film Amadeus]
Phil: Amadeus…is that some music dude?

“If I had 80 camels I’d rule the world!” – Phil

It’s not over yet! – Quotes from Johanne’s birthday party

Johanne: [Eating cake] It’s quite nice but it feels like sand.
Mara: I love the feeling of sand in my mouth; it reminds me of summer.

“Ice cubes are fun! What did I just say?!” – Lauren

Lauren: I am a vintage bread addict!
Weronika: Me too! I sometimes dress as a vintage bread.
Lauren: I am a vintage whore.
Weronika: I’ve never seen someone as horny as when I wear a vintage bra.
Lauren: I’ve never met a vintage bread whore before. I often sell my body for vintage bread. I’m only a student by day, by night I’m a vintage bread whore.
Weronika: When you’re a vintage bread addict you can’t give blood!
Lauren: I’m an E-cup already so I don’t need much padding.

“The vintage bread bra will rock your world Everyone will have one. Boyfriends will nibble our breasts and be satisfied. Then we will conquer the world of vintage bread pants, and they will nibble at them too. It will be tasty.” – Lauren’s advertisement for the Vintage Bread Bra™

“I don’t know what I wrote!” – Lauren

“I can stand as long as I’m on my feet.” – Alex

“Curly man is opposed to the revolution and must be executed INSTANTLY. DIE AAAH CURLY MAN YOU BASTARD.” – A little something scribbled down in Alex’ notebook by Johanne

My Fav

“The funny thing is that as universities gets lesser money, bigger classes and smaller classrooms, there’s some politician saying that things are getting better! They’re giving out more laptops to disadvantaged children who may not be able to eat because the prices are getting higher, but they do have access to the internet, so they can view hamburgers online…”

“Have you been to the third floor [history reception] lately? There is literary no one left! They’ve all resigned or shot themselves.”

John – The Best Of

”You’re a cunt! But as far as cunts go, you are quite a lovely one.”

”Fruit is a kind of…fruit!”

Spoiling everyone’s appetite:
“Mmm, dead animal with a lemon up its bum!”

“You know he touched my penis?! We were on the floor and he was reaching for my hand to squeeze it but then he reached out for my groin and touched my penis!”

“I don’t like making songs about people I know, because then I might say something rude by accident just because it rhymes.”

Shakespearetime

Sam: [Pointing to a picture of an engraved stone] Where do you think this is?
Someone: On capus?
Sam: Anyone else?
Someone: Off campus!
Sam: Well, has to be one of those.

“It’s from 1981 – even I was quite young back then! – Warren

Actor: When playing a woman I got to feel what it is like to be as open and vunerable as women are.
Someone: Oi!
General female audience: [Murmurs angrily]
Warren: [Laughing] I don’t think there are a lot of open and vunerable women here, Dave.

Actor: You look very young, do you know what Monty Python is?
All: YES.

“I’m not an academic, I am not even very bright!” – Dave the Actor

“To cut down to it: you’re asking whether I am using my powers for evil? [...] I would never ever use acting to convince someone, say a woman, to believe that I felt something I didn’t, say love.” – Dave the Actor on his epic powers

“I speak like this because I’m from Scotland where it’s freezing cold, so we keep our mouths shut all the time.” – Dave

“Romeo is a posh boy, he’s got an expensive education… [interrupts himself] I’m not judging him or anything, erm…” – Dave

On heartbreak:
Dave: I don’t know if you have ever had your heart broke in that particular way? I have, it’s awful.
Girl: Sorry…
Dave: Thanks! Can we talk afterwards?! We were actually out and about when it happened and she actually named the guy, and I dropped to my knees in a shopping centre going: [flings hos arm dramatically over his head] NOOOOOOO!

Rosie on Hamlet (in the seminar):
”He’s got the right to be indecisive: he’s dealing with life and death, not what to buy for supper.”

Jenni’s getting frustrated again:
“Oh, this is one of those days when I get so confused! I’m sorry. Sack me now! I should just go home and have a lie down. […] You are right and I’m an idiot.”

QMUL in Spring (watch out for squirrels) and randomness

While walking past the Jewish cemetery:
Lauren: I would never walk here after dark.
Alex: Ah, yes, the squirrels…
Lauren: In the dark you can’t see them; you can just hear them. After having one flying over my head I’ve been a bit nervous. I really don’t like those little buggers. I like bunnies even less.
Alex: Had any bad experiences?
Lauren: No, it’s just the way they look at you sometimes: they’re evil. Not as evil as squirrels though, I think that they could take over the world if they decided to. If they stopped only being concerned of nuts and decided to plot.

Angell: They are, I’m not sure if I’m pronouncing this right; Clotho and Lachesis, who knitted a man’s life thread and then cut it, causing him to die. Have you heard this before? Does it ring any bells?
[Silence]
Emma: Ah, yes, they were in Hercules!

”I feel like a grown up now, avoiding walking on snowy areas so I don’t slip.” – Emma

***

A few family quotes from my trips home (I’m Alex):

Mum: What kind of cats are they?
Cousin’s fiancee: Ordinary.

“Oh, my heart is itching… That wasn’t a metaphor.” – Alex

While watching a program about the UK election:
Mum: That little one [David Cameron] looks like a comedian.
Alex: He is, in a way. Everytime he presents a bill or something, people exclaim: “are you kidding?!”

Lastly a bonus quote from Ugly Betty that made me snigger:
Amada: [Looking over Betty's shoulder at her desktop wallpaper] Are those pictures of your family?
Betty: [Ingdidantly] Amanda, they’re birds!